(If you are looking for House Church Basics, scroll down two posts).
I feel like a fish out of water!
When my traditional church world began to rock I became aware of many parts of that culture that were no longer working for me: the leadership set-up, the non-participatory performance-type services, the consumer mentality, etc. But nothing stood out in greater relief than the reality that true, honest, nitty-gritty, heart-engaged relationships are not a priority.
I see in Scripture just the opposite with over 50 “one another” verses describing a church that seemed to be built on people-to-people dynamics: love one another, accept one another, bear one another’s burdens, etc. The type of church culture described in Scripture seems to place all of the elements of church life (worship, discipleship, learning, growing, giving to others) within the context of relationship. For example, you will never find a discipleship program or conference in Scripture, but you will see exhortations for older saints to teach and mentor the younger ones. In other words, within the church family, faith was passed on from one to another in a relational/modeling context.
My own experience has also caused me to value relationships as necessary soil for real spiritual formation as well as growth in all areas of my faith. When I experience vulnerable, real, committed, life-giving relationships, I am in good soil. Even when these relationships cause discomfort because of conflicts and misunderstandings, I am still in good soil. This seems to be, for me, the place where I am able to grow, change, and experience God’s work of grace like nowhere else. This has become so obvious to me that I can barely comprehend a Christian life or culture that is not seeking, as a priority, to live out of deepening, growing relationships.
Sadly, as I meander through the Body of Christ at large, I not only see little of this, I see few that are even remotely interested in it. That’s what I meant by feeling like a fish out of water.
I actually find myself questioning myself on this issue: “Why am I so different? Why are so many content to run here and there for their spiritual life and maintain mostly superficial Christian relationships? Why are there so few people ‘like me?’”
I mean, I really don’t get it. I see Christians who will change churches and, in the process, completely change their friendships. Church affinity is more important than our long-term, life-time process of developing relationships? If we are able to do this, are we learning, really, what it is to love people, or is that just some surface concept?
There are many people in my life, people whom I love, who clearly had no desire to reciprocate any level of relationship with me once I changed roles from “their pastor” to “just another believer in the community.” I find it sad. Not just for myself (though it does hurt), but also for them as I realize that they care more about having some superficial roles and structure in their life than having real relationships.
Instead of pursuing the relational intimacy that, I believe, we really need, we substitute many things: constant activity, spiritual hype, taking on an “honored” role within our church, “ministering” to others, going to conferences, gaining knowledge, etc., etc.
Ah, me! Is it just me? Am I the only fish out of water?
Comments
4 responses to “Relational Christianity”
Oh Roger….my “before Listening Class person” wants to fix you because i am feeling your pain here in your words and I just want to cry with you……tell you everything will be o.k…….explain to you all the reasons you shouldn’t feel this way…..and then walk away feeling good again. However I’ve been taught better!!!
First, I do so appreciate your openness and candor and honesty, you help us know that it is OK!
So…you feel like a fish out of water because you arent seeing many real deeply committed (lasting) relationships, but mostly only superficial relationships,……and you want “true, honest, nitty-gritty heart engaged relationships”
no you are not alone…..in fact I believe most people want this DESPERATELY!
I mentioned at Saturday Church one night I was doing a study (on tape) called “LOVE ONE ANOTHER:ten keys to experiencing life in a supernatural community”….
it asks the question..Why are there so many people desperately hurting and in need of love and so many others who are so willing and wanting to give love, yet so few who actually get loved??
I can’t write out the info from all 10 Tapes (actually I’ve only gotten thru 3…they are so good I’ve listened to just those over and over)….but what it says about the question above is:
To fulfill Jesus command to love one another as HE LOVED US…demandS that we understand our MEMBERSHIP and FUNCTION in his supernatural community (see Acts 1:1-8) BECOMING AN AUTHENTIC COMMUNITY THRU AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIP …..BY……possessing an ACCURATE view of ourselves (Romans 12:3) ….nurturing a healthy APPRECIATION of others (Romans 12:4-5)….Practicing (I like that word!!!) a loyal ALLEGIANCE to one another(rOMANS 12:5)
Now this doesnt answer why really we arent doing this….but one of the discussion questions asks ….What are the most common hinderances to us experiencing “real community” in our relationships? and Which of these hinderances are keeping you from receiving or giving love right now?
I think HINDERANCES is the operative word!!!!
We have so many!!!!!!!!!!! I don’t have to even start to list them…we all have them…some bad some good. Too buzy is my best (worst) flimsy excuse!!!!
Now not that I am doing this LOVE ONE ANOTHER thing any better than the next person but when I studied these first few tapes it made me reevaluate how I was currently doing relationships….I had to stop being so selfish for one thing….I love my time alone, doing my own selfish things….I started being a better shepherd to my Wednesday night group for starters……
However, there is still that selfishness ….tonight I ask God to help me get rid of this and other “hinderances”!!!
(If anyone wants these tapes I can let you know how to get them…or you can borrow my set or Val Johnson’s set..I called “Life on the Edge” and they will not allow duplication….$40.00 for the set)…i want to say “does anyone want to get together and listen to them with me?…but see…there is a “hinderance” of time…buzy buzy buzy…and certainly not all this buziness being of kingdom value!!!
Scream with me!!!!!It makes me crazy!!!
I would love more help and answers on this subject…..I truly want to be a person who loves as HE loved us!!!!!!!
Cindy,
Love your post. Very encouraging and insightful.
When you first started talking about those tapes I thought– wow– sounds like such a cool series to go through. And I’m sure it is. Then, I read that they “protected” their “copyright.” I know I’m just being weird and overly sensitive… But the marketing of Christianity kind of hits a button too, doesn’t it?
Anyway, that’s a digression…
Sometimes our pain does bring to light truth that God wants us to pay attention to.
I have done my own share of non-relational Christianity– building relationships because of the ministry “job” I wanted to get done and caring, sometimes, more about the ministry outcome than about the people I was co-laboring with. So, if my current pain around superficial relationships serves to keep me on track and maintain my priorities where I want them to be, i.e. relationships above any type of program or project, then the pain is well worth it! I so want to be completely free of any agenda that I may have around people (including that they come to my church) so that I can just love them.
Roger
Roger,
There was a time when I had no desire to be close to anyone. I was afraid to let anyone close enough to see my pain and fear and faults. Your openness has helped me to begin to be desire true intimate relationship with others. THANK YOU!
I believe that we as the Body of Christ have created a machine and that we are preoccupied with the maintenance of that machine. To be blunt, the buildings, the staff, you name it, we maintain it. I have often said that when a tool gets in the way, it is not a tool anymore but an obstacle. I am not against any tools, but we must have the wisdom and spiritual skill of knowing when to use the right tool. The best strategy to use when you find yourself riding a dead horse, is to get off. Our biggest hinderance to relationship is the structure obsessed church. Maybe that is to harsh for some, but our structure had dictated everything including biblical interpretation (theology, doctrine)and has placed structure and heirarchal, pyramid type leadership above the two greatest commandments referred to by Jesus. Roger, you are not alone. You are but one of a growing number who love the Body of Christ and are courageously willing to properly asses it and see it (us) get better. After all, you don’t have to be a doctor to know that something is wrong with your body.
We as the Body need to concentrate less on success and rid ourselves of the Henry Ford, mass production, bigger is better outlook on Kingdom living. I believe that scripture says that we will be known by our love for each other and not the size of building, budget or staff we have. We are to spread the gospel not market it for our financial gain or ego. I love America and I love the church, but we are missing something and that something is each other.
Mike