This week a friend of mine officiated at his father-in-law’s funeral. It was his first time in this role.
He did not speak, perhaps, quite like a ‘professional’ might have. He was not polished nor ultra-smooth in his speaking delivery. He was, however, personable, real, authentic and deeply moving. People responded to his display of emotion that was appropriate to the event, and they were stirred by his clearly-held faith convictions. This was no outsider speaking to a bereaved family. This was one of them. And God was present.
Unpolished though he may have been, other family members who have not been walking closely with God, asked him if he would do their funerals as well. They had experienced something that doesn’t often happen: a relational connection with the one officiating that spoke something into their spirit that stirred a new measure of faith in them.
Too often, when someone dies or is married, it’s easy for people to default back into the mindset of looking for the ‘professional.’ And if we have the background of ‘professional minister,’ it’s easy for us to step into that role at those times. Suddenly we participate again in the divide between priest and laity and put on our priestly clothes.
One of the best things I did, many years ago, was to stop officiating such events and encourage the family members to step up so that parents marry their children or children bury their parents. Actually, a close look at ancient weddings from Old Testament through New reveals that such events were family affairs, not priestly-ordered events.
How wonderful it was to see my friend’s mother-in-law immediately turn to him, when the need arose, and ask him to officiate her husband’s service. She was drawn to him, not as a professional minister, but has someone who had something that she wanted at her husband’s funeral: a personal, real, tangible, faith-filled spiritual person who is connected to the family. By doing so, she invited the Spirit of God to move amongst that group of people beyond anything imaginable.
Re-ordering our view of weddings, funerals, and baptisms could greatly impact believers’ ability to reach into their own oikos (their extended, relational connections) that the Gospel most naturally flows through. This I have seen, and it’s a beautiful thing to watch God-at-work in it.
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Categories for this post include house church, simple church, organic church
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10 responses to “When I Stopped Officiating”
Though NOT seminary trained or ordained (officially speaking), I have been blessed to “officiate” at weddings and funerals for friends and family. They asked me probably looking for an informal touch rather the formal (God knows as well as many others that I’m not “formal”). I agree that blessings come from those who “know”, those who are intimately connected. I love doing weddings for friends and family, but memorials are “holy ground”; challenging but oh so blessed when we surrender to God’s words and heart on those occasions. And, the message of HOPE is needed and will ring clear at memorials.
I am moved by this. Simultaneously encouraged and discouraged, actually: encouraged by the beauty, meaning, and connection that you describe, and discouraged because I fear I will never experience such in my lifetime. All the people I know, including the “garage church” I met with twice recently with a longtime friend — and including myself — are in such ruts, so comfortable in our official comfort zones. . . .
How do we legally and “officially” get to where we can officiate at weddings and funerals without seminary or bible college?
Hey Michael, legal requirements vary from state to state and even county to county and, therefore, must be looked at locally. However, there is usually a way to do it. In my area, any individual can get a one-day license to marry and there is no legal requirement at all for officiating a funeral service.
I officiated my first wedding last month for some friends in our home church. I shared from the heart what I loved about them and how I had seen God shine through their lives and helped them overcome some pretty horrific stuff. The bride’s tears got me emotional too and it was hard for me to speak without shedding a few, and laughing a little bit too. Afterward, the reaction was overwhelmingly positive — and not, of course, just because of me. One woman complimented me and I said, well, it was personal. And she said, “Oh, I totally got that.” The photographer told me he does 12-15 weddings a year for the past 20 yers and that was one of the best wedding sermons he ever heard.
The requirements are pretty minimal. There are services online that will provide the necessaries for a fee. I found one that cost me $16 or something. If you can share the Gospel, you’re qualified.
Dan, what a blessing that you could play such an intregal part in officiating the wedding of friends and that they were wed by someone who knew their stories. That’s beautiful!
Beautifully described, Dan. I hope your story encourages others to do the same!
I really like the idea of a friend or family member doing the service. As you share it makes it much more personal. I went to a funeral recently and while the Minister did a good job, it wasn’t the personal connection like you mentioned above.
Yes I agree, my formal traditional pastor did a fine job “officiating” my mother-in-law’s memorial service years ago, but oh, if only then I knew what I know now, I could have stepped up to the plate and played the God-given role I was meant to play in bringing hope and comfort. Not because I am “qualified” in some institutional sense, but rather because I have God’s heart. period. That’s the only true qualification. If only…